


"I've got you."

by imaginativelytitled



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Domestic Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Aaron, Scared Robert Sugden, Siblings, Supportive Aaron, Vulnerable Robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:52:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginativelytitled/pseuds/imaginativelytitled
Summary: Robert is plagued with nightmares and thoughts of his father and Victoria telling him he would be proud of him is the last straw. Can Aaron help him through this?Or, Robert has a panic attack, showing just how much his relationship with his dad still affects him and Aaron is there to support and comfort him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic so please excuse the quality, hope you all enjoy x

Robert is strong. Has been since he left Emmerdale with nothing but a car and a denim jacket. In his time away, he learned to look after himself, became totally self reliant. He thought that was what he needed, to be able to get through life all on his own. That changed, however, when he met Aaron. He came to realise that he needed his (now) fiancé, that he could not possibly live without him. The drastic change scared Robert, his newfound weakness being love. At first he hated it, didn't want to ever feel even remotely dependant on someone but he grew to accept it, finding that he was undoubtedly happier with Aaron than he had been alone. He was still strong, still independent, but he knew that without Aaron by his side, he would be lost. They'd been through so much together, some of it great, a lot of it bad, all of it based on one thing, love.

Robert helped Aaron through one of the toughest times in his life. He did everything he could to ensure his now lover, then friend, got all the support he needed throughout (and after) the ordeal. He comforted Aaron countless times and was willing to do so for the rest of his life if that meant Aaron would feel loved and happy. Nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks and moments of pure sadness were regular occurances for Aaron, particularly in the months of and following the trial and it pained Robert to see the man he loved suffer so greatly. Thankfully, Aaron began feeling better, he was happier, more positive, focused on his future with Robert and Liv and excited to get married and move into the Mill. Things were really looking up for him and Robert was so proud, so happy for him, yet Robert himself was struggling.

They had gotten engaged in October and from then on, Robert was simply consumed with happiness, so focused on his love for Aaron and his excitement to marry him that somehow, all thoughts of his dad had been pushed to the back of his mind. That didn't last, however. The last two weeks for Robert had consisted of sleepless nights, worries about what his dad would think of his relationship with Aaron and as a result of that, sadness at the thought of his dad not being proud of him despite how much he had achieved and how happy he had become. Aaron had noticed, of course, not that he let it on. He knew Robert wouldn't want to talk about it, that he would simply brush it off and say it was nothing. That had been his response to pretty much every concerned inquiry from Aaron since the trial. Aaron knew that Robert felt his struggles and worries were insignificant in comparison to his but obviously that wasn't true in the slightest. Aaron may have endured more intense physical and mental suffering than Robert, however, that doesn't mean Robert's issues are any less important or real. As the weeks went on, Aaron became increasingly worried about his fiancé, noticing that while Robert had started getting more sleep again, he'd now started to suffer from nightmares. He'd thrash, kick, cry, even shout in his sleep and it was almost impossible to wake him. Aaron had resorted to simply holding his fiancé close despite his disturbed movements and whisper comforting words to him until he calmed and returned to a more peaceful sleep. The furrow in his brow, however, always remained.

Aaron knew he had to say something or Robert would undoubtedly continue to get worse. They were in the pub having a drink with Victoria and Adam when he decided he would broach the subject when they got to bed later, considering Robert had a few pints in him and would maybe be a bit more open. Robert had reluctantly agreed to spend the evening with his sister and her husband. He hadn't been at all in the mood when Aaron suggested it but gave in, knowing it would make Aaron happy. He was incredibly selfless, Robert, and Aaron knew it. He knew Robert didn't want to go but he thought that some time with his sister and fiancé, having a casual pint and a laugh would maybe do him some good.

The evening was going alright so far, Robert wasn't overly involved in the conversation but he remained at the table, his hand around Aaron's shoulder, speaking mainly when spoken to. He'd become more and more quiet as the night went on so Aaron had gotten up to get the last round in so they could head to their room soon. While waiting to be served, Aaron tensed as heard Victoria speak up, "I'm so looking forward to the wedding Rob. It's going to be amazing. Dad would be so proud of you, you know. He would've loved Aaron to bits, I just know it. I can't believe- Rob? Rob are you alright?!" Aaron had never moved so fast, he could have sworn he pulled something in his neck as he turned to see what was going on but that was irrelevant. He immediately walked the few steps back over to the table, seeing a shocked Victoria staring at Robert and a worried Adam trying to get him to calm down. He was having a panic attack. Aaron's heart broke at the sight of him, face blotchy and red, tears in his eyes as he struggled for breath. Aaron was at his side instantly, taking his face between his hands and forcing Robert to make eye contact with him, trying to get his fiancé to breathe in time with him. It wasn't long before Robert was breathing on his own, tears finally falling and a defeated look appearing on his face. Thankfully the pub was quiet and Aaron knew Robert would be greatful for that later but for now, he didn't even notice. He simply stared back at Aaron, his eyes full of sadness and pain. Aaron wasted no time, pulling Robert into a tight hug, ignoring Victoria's interrogation style questions and simply comforting his broken fiancé. "I'm sorry." Robert whispered, his voice hoarse. "No, no you have absolutely no reason to be, let's head in the back yeah? " Aaron comforted him, leading him behind the bar, Adam and Victoria undoubtedly following suit.

As Aaron sat Robert down on the couch beside him, he couldn't help but feel guilty. Yes, he had been going to talk to Robert tonight about what was going on in his head but he had left it too late. He began rubbing comforting circles at the base of Robert's back, giving him time to collect his thoughts before asking questions. Victoria, on the other hand, wasn't so patient and despite Adam's attempts to tell her to leave it for now, she continued ask what was going on. Aaron wished she would just leave it, give him some time to make sure Robert is okay and ready to talk but he understood her concern and gave his fiancé an encouraging squeeze of the hand, his silent way of asking him if he was ready.

Robert felt Aaron squeeze his hand and he knew it was a sign that if he could, now was his time to talk. His mind was racing, so many thoughts in his head that he didn't even know where to start, he didn't want to tarnish his sisters memory of her father but he couldn't continue on like this. Every time his father was mentioned, his heart would ache, knowing whatever was being said wasn't true, knowing his dad wasn't proud of him. He was really struggling but he thought the pain would eventually go away. He'd just had a panic attack in the pub though so he assumed he was quite positively wrong about that. He never wanted to feel like that again. That...anxiety, that uncontrollable fear that he couldn't quite make sense of. It was horrible. He knew it was time to tell the truth.

Taking a deep breath and glancing wearily at his younger sibling, he began; "I doubt you would remember him, Vic but there was a young lad who used to help out on the farm at home when I was only about 15. He was nice. Really nice. I liked him. A lot. One day we were alone and something just happened, we went up to my room and we were kissing and I just...I didn't think anything of it I mean it felt normal and I was enjoying it. It almost went further...but then Dad walked in. I'd never seen him so angry, so disgusted. He fired the lad and he leathered me. He couldn't look at me for weeks after. He said what happened was wrong, that I should hate myself for what I did, that a man cannot be with another man. I didn't agree with him at first, I tried to explain that it was no different than a man and a woman but he was having none of it. He threatened to disown me...so I just...I ignored it. It hurt..it hurt so much to fight who I really was but I did, for so long. Even after he died. I never wanted to be myself..to be bisexual..because I knew he would have hated me and been disappointed in me. Meeting Aaron changed everything. I didn't know what to do. Here was a man that I loved more than anything in the world and I still tried to convince myself I didn't want to be with him, because I knew dad wouldn't have wanted it. It took me so long, so long to accept myself. To learn to be okay with my sexuality myself. I hurt Aaron so much and while I can't possibly blame it all on dad, I know I wouldn't have caused him half as much pain if I had just been able to admit who I was to myself. I thought I'd gotten over it, accepted that dad is gone, that he can't judge me anymore but it still plays in my mind. I still think about what he would have said when I told him I was marrying Aaron, what he would think of him, if he'd hate him too...but surely he couldn't. Aaron is the most wonderful, brave man I've ever met and yeah dad would maybe be able to see that but he wouldn't accept our love. He wouldn't, because I'm not the son he wanted. He was ashamed of me and he still would be and I know I shouldn't care but I do sometimes and I'm so sick of everyone telling me he would be proud because he wouldn't and I just want to forget about it, I want to forget." Robert finished with a sob, curling into his fiancés chest, needing to feel is arms around him, holding him.

Everyone was crying. No one knew what to say, even Aaron who already knew most of it. He had never seen Robert so vulnerable, so fragile. He pulled his fiancé even closer, rocking slightly to calm him and brushing his fingers down his spine soothingly. He was trying not to cry too much, not wanting to upset Robert even more but his heart ached for his lover. Calming himself, he stole a glance towards Victoria, who was shaking, tears pouring down her face as Adam held her, his own face wet from crying, not that he'd admit it. After what felt like hours, Victoria was the first to break the silence. "I'm so sorry, Rob, I didn't know, I wouldn't have, if I knew I wouldn't, I can't believe -" Adam shushed her as she rambled on and the sound of her broken voice awoke something in Robert as he got up from his place in Aaron's arms on the couch and walked towards her, engulfing her in a hug. "No, I'm sorry Vic. I didn't want to tell you, I knew you'd be upset. I don't want you to think badly of dad, he loved you, you know that, none of your memories of him can be changed. He was and still is the dad you know and remember." Victoria's sobs quieted down as she stood, crying into Robert's tear stained shirt. Aaron and Adam shared looks, knowing that both siblings needed some rest and time to think. "Come on Vic, let's head home eh? No good will come from us all standing around crying, we all need time think, we can talk about this tomorrow when you're both fully ready. Rob needs some rest babe, he's had a rough night." Adam sighed, gently pulling his wife from her brothers arms. Robert looked at him for the first time since he finished telling his story, surprised to see tears in his brother in laws eyes. He gave him a small but greatful smile, glad to be getting to think things over and calm down before he has to talk about all of this again. "I'll see you first thing tomorrow okay, I love you, I love you so much and I know you don't believe it and you don't want to hear it but dad did love you, he mightn't have shown it but he did, I promise ya." Vic said as Adam led her out of the back room but not before pulling Robert into a hug himself. 

Robert sighed, defeated as he sat back down beside Aaron on the couch. Aaron's silence and the tears on his face had Robert feeling guilty instantly but that didn't last long as Aaron once again pulled his fiancé towards him, engulfing him in a warm and loving hug. "Never, ever bottle things up like that again Robert. You can talk to me. Always. Please know that. You don't have to feel guilty or like you're burdening me with your problems, we're getting married, we're meant to be there for each other and I love you. I know I don't say it enough but I do, so much, you've saved my life twice, I wouldn't be here without you and I want to be here for you like you always are for me. Please let me in, Robert. Don't ever hold back. You mean the world to me Rob and I want you to be happy. I love you. I love you so much and we're going to get through this okay, I've got you." Robert stayed silent through Aaron's speech, simply taking in everything he was saying, knowing he meant every word of it, greatful that he had someone in his life that cared so deeply for him. He moved himself impossibly closer to his fiancé, pulling his face towards his own and placing a gentle but lingering kiss to his lips. He had no words, he hoped the kiss could translate what he meant. That he loved him. That he was okay. That he was thankful. That everything he wanted was right there in his arms and no one's opinion, not even his dad's, mattered in the slightest.


End file.
